Deacon Bernadine White

John 12:32 (NIV)

“But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.”

The Power Source 

During a particular season in my life, I was experiencing many heavy burdens, the mate that I thought we shared mutual love between one another, for four years, had decided to seek another’s company; my doctor had given me a surprise diagnosis that there could possibly be signs of cancer and that I would be faced with several months of diagnostic exams and medication; the job I was working, had been me treating like I was a teenage intern, instead of an adult with two professional degrees and last, but not least, I was faced with filing bankruptcy.

This was one of the most devastating times that I had ever experienced; such a multiplicity of destruction. I knew the devil was at bay and I could feel only the foreboding of the weight of Satan’s hold on my very life. I began falling into a blanketed state of depression and accompanied with self destructive behavior with thoughts of suicide and alcoholic bingeing.

After several weeks of a life feeling like I was programmed on automatic pilot, compounded with impromptu burst of crying spells, that took place from the middle of the night, throughout the day(driving or not), until the close of the same. I decided that I had enough of my own pity party. I was tired of seeing myself as a victim, living contrary to the victory that I once knew in Christ and believed that I deserved!

I contacted my sister girlfriend in Christ, who knew my condition and I coerced her into going out to a jazz club. While we were there I decided to record with my phone the entertainment. I began thinking to myself …“I’m going to show everyone that I’m having a good time…I can saturate my thoughts with the distractions of this entertainment and I’ll even record the show to have proof of the wonderful time I’m having…despite my circumstances”

Suddenly, with no warning, my phone locked into a permanent mode of recording and would not turn off or allow me to switch to another application! I began to struggle with it trying to get the back of the phone off, in order to take the battery out. My thoughts were, “If I removed the source of power, then I could control the situation, and I could restore my own condition (Sound familiar??). My girlfriend and I both tried feverishly, during several attempts; to remove what we thought could remedy the situation, the removal of the power source. Finally I decided to just quit, give up the struggle, and I affirmed that I would confront the phone company the next day concerning my dilemma and demand that they tell me why my access to my power source was not available to me.

When I arrived the next morning, bright and early at opening time, I boldly walked up to the customer service representative , ready to proclaim my disappointment with this expensive mode of man’s communication, which failed me. The customer representative waited patiently until I finished, looked calmly into my eyes and said to me “Let me take a look, you should have no trouble reaching the source of power and it should restore you back to your original state.” She then took the phone and “lifted up” the same place where I had just struggled for over an hour, just the evening before. Immediately, I was embarrassed and humbled. I left the store and was perplexed by my failure to successfully get access to my power source, which obviously was always readily at hand. If only I had let go of the struggle of proving to myself, how I was going to defeat my dilemma and lift up what I had access to all the time.

The Holy Spirit quickened me and spoke clearly, reminding me of what God had promised me from the beginning, through all of the weeks of trials and “out of control” circumstances, that “If I be lifted up I will draw all men unto myself.”

Prayer 

Eternal God, Our Father teach us to draw closer to you when things seemingly are out of control and although we have thoughts of attempting restore ourselves and our situations back to normal , continue to quicken our spirit and remind us, that we were created from dust and from dust we shall return , our “TRUE SOURCE OF POWER” WILL ONLY COME WHEN WE DECIDE TO LIFT UP THE NAME OF JESUS AND ALLOW GOD TO RESTORE US BACK UNTO HIMSELF….AMEN

Thought for the day 

Feel the power.